Greetings from the Coop

As my Facebook friends already know, last week my order of 25 Barred Rock chicks arrived. A sweet, cheeping box of fluff balls who quickly imprinted on my hand, so that they come running when I scrabble my fingers in the straw. I could sit for hours in the cozy chicken coop, just watching them stretch their tiny wings and dash back and forth like zany fuzz rockets.

And this morning, that's just what I did. Spent hours in the chicken coop.

You see, yesterday I noticed that a few of the chicks were being somewhat negligent in the personal hygiene department. Their yellow puffball bums had some unsightly goo hardening menacingly. I thought that surely this was normal, that it would crust and fall off, and the chicks would go on their merry ways.
Not so the case. This morning there was a lot more ugly chunky bums, and one chick in particular seemed to be suffering ill effects. So I asked Google "why do my chicks have poop stuck to their bums?" which prompted a barrage of websites and forums discussing the topic. The widely accepted answer: "Pasty Butt".
This is not to be confused with "pastry bun" which I would much rather have had 25 of today.

The causes of pasty butt are much debated, as are the cures, but the agreed-upon necessity is that the butts must be cleansed. Apparently this dried up gunk clogs the works, so to speak, and for a tiny chick a plug in the pipes spells imminent death.

So out I went, bucket of warm water, a box of Q-tips and a bottle of mineral oil in hand. Some people recommended holding the chicks' bums in the warm water until the poo softened, then wiping it off. Some said to use a damp cloth. One person admitted that "we are ruthless. We just pull it off - sometimes a little fluff comes off, too, but then there's less for the poop to stick to!"

My trusting little gaffers came running up to my hand, eager for whatever they thought I was giving them to eat. I think that first chick was awfully surprised.

As it happens, there is a silver lining to this spectacle. I now know how to chink my log cabin. I'll use chicken poo. It sticks to everything and turns into concrete once it's dried!

At first I very gentle cradled the little chick to my bosom and delicately daubed with a dampened Q-tip. The chick looked shocked. It began to struggle a little more as my ministrations became somewhat more vigorous. Sure enough, it's vent was completely covered, and no doubt it was relieved to finally be able to make a movement. On me.
I tried to soften the goo with mineral oil on chick #2. It doesn't work any better.
The next chick I cupped in my hand and submerged it's infected area in the warm water. It screamed. The rest of the chicks rushed over to investigate this strange screaming bucket.
The poo did not soften.

Halfway through the job, I was grabbing chick after chick, holding them head down, bum up to the light, and roughly rolling the wet Q-tips at the base of the... cabin chinking. There was a group of bullies that pecked at the drops of dirty water that rolled down my crossed legs. Every now and then one would leap up and try to peck the feet of the chick being treated. They started scrambling up my lap, beady little eyes plotting further torture for whichever sibling I was holding. Wretched little beasts had already forgotten their own humiliation despite their raw little bums bearing witness to the atrocity.

So I spent the early hours of my day scrubbing nearly 25 chick bums. Something I did not expect to do. Ever. When I left the coop, most of the little creatures had resumed their normal routines; hopping around, pecking at the specks on the walls, trying to jump on top of the waterer... but a few remained forlornly huddled under the heat lamp looking damp and dejected. I can only hope that their bums soon dry and their feathers grow fast!